if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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