Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She is in my trunk
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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