While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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