I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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