We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
