why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
