There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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