At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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