I'm jealous of your bromance
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
