We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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