so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
