we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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