i think my tv is drunk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
