Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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