You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
