my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
