He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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