Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
