dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my poor anus
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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