You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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