none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
