He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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