Umm I'm too high to move.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
