If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He felt like a one man threesome
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
