I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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