I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
