Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.