3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.