I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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