Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
