Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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