What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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