I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
