My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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