you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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