just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
