I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize