You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
