We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
