you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
