you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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