Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The uberlube is also flammable
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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