i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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