some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
