I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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