Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need a burrito and a hug.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
