Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
