New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
