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Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
