I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
