grandma shit on top of the toilet
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
