I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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