That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
