Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
