exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
