What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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