hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
