we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
