I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
