3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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