Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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