ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
