sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
