sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
