I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
