So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
