I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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