I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
