If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This toilet bowl is my home.
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