Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
